The Mind of A Mother

Sometimes I wonder if I had enough time to keep a journal, what it would read like. Going one step further, what would it read like if I waxed Virginia Woolf and wrote in narrative mode, penning whatever dialogue I had with myself. Would I share such thoughts with people I knew? People I didn't know? Would I risk being committed to a psychiatric facility for the sake of  my blog?

What the hell; I like living on the edge:

Morning:


What is wrong with them? Don't they know how to be normal? (Thought as my kids spew diarrhea jokes at top volume in Home Goods.) If I back up five feet and look horrified, will people assume the kids aren't mine? Ugh, what's that smell? Oh. Well, it's not that dirty. It hasn't soaked through to his pants yet. Besides it's probably just a shart. No need to change a diaper over one of those. That's for rookies. 

Lunch:


If I throw some grapes at them, it will cancel out the Happy Meal. Wait, I don't have any grapes. What about strawberry-flavored gum? I only have one piece left, that will create a fight. Stop! This is ridiculous! I have some Mango Tic-Tacs right here. There are plenty to go around. 

Dinner:


This is really embarrassing. He won't stop screaming for my beer. I give the kid one taste off my finger and he's hooked. Good lord he's acting like a junkie looking to score a hit! In the middle of Applebee's! He's only two years old; maybe there's something wrong with him. "Hi, Doctor, I think my toddler is an alkie." Oh yeah right, like I'll take him to the doctor and talk about that. Our health insurance expired 30 days ago. 


Late Evening: 


The cats won't stop puking! I really hate them sometimes. They puke up their food and it's not even chewed! What are they, bulimic? I can't handle this anymore. Hairballs everywhere, piles of puke, they don't even like people. What if I left the back door open? What if they never came back? That's insane! Cats always come back. I'll have to go up by the Boundary Waters. But that's a lot of gas...but if I don't have to buy cat food or litter anymore...


And that is why I don't keep a journal.